i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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