I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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