I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize