may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
