Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she smelled like a LAN party
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
