We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
sarcasm needs its own font
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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