Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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