We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
