My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
