I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
