I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
