I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize