She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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