The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I'm having to shit out rocks
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