Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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