9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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