i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
