I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
