New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
A+ Viking dick
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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