Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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