My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
