Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
