I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
