Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
it's not cheating when I paid for it
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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