i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
