i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
