The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
