Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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