I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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