At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
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