u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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