she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize