I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
