2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
