I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
