were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
