I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
