You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
