Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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