so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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