i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
