i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
