Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
