I am in a vortex of obligation.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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