hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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