You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Come on in and take your pants off
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