Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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