do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
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