i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
