meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
