If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
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