His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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