You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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