He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
There's always time for handjobs
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
