Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
