I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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