What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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