Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
