checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
