if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize