It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
