just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
