I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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