He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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