no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
My vagina is very pro this idea
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
