forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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