hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
