Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
