i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
