Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
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